You know what really sets my anxiety into overdrive? When bad things happen to people around me, people I care about.
Currently, several friends are dealing with some of the saddest, most heartbreaking life events while my life remains intact. Of course, my heart aches, but I don’t bear the constant heaviness they do. Sorrow is a place I visit to truly be with them, but I don’t live there. At least, not yet.
That’s the key – yet. Such major life events in rapid succession to everyone but me feels like an ominous sign of what’s to come.
My anxiety spirals out of control in my mind repeating “Oh my God! What if I’m next? Who will it be?” And I am paralyzed until I can do some breathing and ask myself clarifying questions like, “What evidence do you have that someone in your family is in danger?” or “Can you prevent accidents or keep people from living their lives?” I have to remind myself that no one is out to get me. That the universe doesn’t have it out for me or my family.
Bad things happen. That’s a fact. But they don’t happen in any sort of pattern of fairness or necessarily by association.
It’s really important to me to be there for all of my loved ones, to show up even when it’s hard. It’s a work in progress, but I have realized that I can’t show up for someone else if I’m worried about imaginary future events. Focusing on others has proven to be a remarkable technique for stopping an anxiety attack in its tracks.
Gratitude helps, too. Not just thinking, “I’m thankful my family is ok,” but picking a person or situation for which I am deeply grateful to focus on. I think about specific instances or things about them that have made a difference in my life. Lately too, I’ve been trying to be more intentional about reaching out to the person I’m thinking about, if/when it’s a person.
If you get a random phone call or text from me, chances are I was recently reflecting on my gratitude for you. If you haven’t… let’s hang out more.
But again, maybe you shouldn’t hang out with me. There has been a lot of death and tragedy all around me to the point that I feel like I’m the common thread, that somehow I’m guilty. I’m not that important, but unchecked, my anxiety likes me to think so.
Even at my best right now, in the back of my mind it still feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Beauty from the Brokenness 
I think we have all gone there when tragedy strikes…especially if it happens multiple times in a short period. And it can be overwhelming and frightening to not have any control over any of it. But that is when our faith in a higher power should take over. By offering peace and hope….and the quiet assurance that all is well in the world we live. What comes tomorrow is not for us to bear….and yesterday’s burdens must be laid down. When we fear the future and hold on to the past we become distracted and we lose hope…which is exactly what Satan wants. He doesn’t want us focused on love and goodness. Only the burdens of today should we pick up and carry. And we can do that with God’s help. Trusting God to see us through another day…and knowing His strength and his love will suffice even if ours cannot…is truly our only required daily task. WE can control our own thoughts, words, and actions of today. Restoring our peace is the promise God makes to us and our reward for trusting Him. You are a good friend to so many… and a great mom to a couple of my favorite people! Focus on those good things that you do have control over and trust all is well. (because it is) xoxo
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